Worst. Thing. Ever.

So today my mom called me (returning my previous 3 phone calls) and I was like, "Mom, the worst thing EVER happened to me today," and she responded, "What, there was a spider in your shower?" Well, not quite. I guess it wasn't the worst thing ever because obviously, the worst thing ever would be a spider in the shower with you. I would probably scream bloody murder, pass out in sheer terror, and then be eaten alive by the spider. All in all, not a good way to go. Anyway, what DID happen to me today was coming across a huge, nasty, disgusting, dark brown spider in the middle of my kitchen floor. I screamed bloody murder and wanted to die, but knowing I had to kill it I summoned all my courage and killed the dang thing with Joe's flip flop (sorry, babe). I would have used the bug zapper (shaped like a small tennis racket with metal bars instead of strings that send electronic currents through bugs I come across) but the spider was blocking the closet where the zapper is located. Ahhh! The first squish didn't work and the monster started scurrying away but luckily I got it with the next whack. And look at the mess it made!!!! I told you it was BIG!!!So then I was hyperventilating for about 15 minutes, trying to call my mom for some assistance in calming down, and just plain trying to cope with this sanity-suspending terror called arachnophobia. I eventually cleaned up the guts, cleaned off Joe's shoe, and even made my way into the scary unfinished laundry room to change the laundry (I know I didn't find the spider there but it is like a spider breeding ground and my phobia was on edge at the moment). When my mom called I had to tell her the story and relive the utter terror all over again while she laughed and laughed at me. And now, here I am again reliving the horror of this terrible episode for no apparent reason except to entertain my blog readers. I am telling you, my throat is closing up and I am shaking. NO JOKE. I am soooo scared!!! Tears are forming. I need to leave and go calm down somehow. If I have to see another spider that size before Joe comes home I think I will die. I talked to him today on gchat and he promised to spray for bugs when he got back. Thank goodness!

P.S. If you leave a comment, please make sure it is constructive given the situation. The last thing I need is more horrific stories for me to lose sleep over (like my mom telling me that she had a spider in the shower with her recently). Ahhhh!!